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Leslie Hsu Oh

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Fireweed: A Memoir

At twenty, I had white water rafted, spelunked, hiked, and ridden on horseback through nearly all the national parks in the United States when both my mother and eighteen-year-old brother die from the same disease. Alienated by my father’s cultural beliefs to save face, move on, pretend nothing bad happened, I turn to the natural world and the indigenous people most intimate to these places for answers. Fireweed: A Memoir is a story about making sense of this messy world when you lose everything that made sense. It’s about finding a place or home to anchor yourself and your descendants to even if it doesn’t belong to you.

Here's how it opens:

The summer I turned nine, our family got caught in a flash storm on the Wyoming side of Yellowstone National Park. Thunder and lightning lit up the skies, while rain seemed determined to wash us out from under a skinny lodgepole pine.

My father held Dìdi, my little brother, protectively in his arms. Dìdi was nineteen months younger than me. He was known at Duke University as the “Miracle Baby” due to a birth complication he was not supposed to have survived.

“Bà Ba!” I tugged on my father’s jacket. His attention was focused on my mother.

Mā Ma stood in the middle of the trail, exposed to the elements, beckoning for me to join her. Her hood was down, flapping in the wind like a cape. Her naturally wavy black hair, always kept short, licked the back of her neck like flames. Behind her, wisps of white smoke escaped from a fumarole.

“Can you believe this is the world’s first national park?” Her voice bounced off the beat of the rain.

Bà Ba shifted his weight. He was not a fan of Mā Ma’s annual national park trips, which had started when I was four and Dìdi two. While Mā Ma took us hunting for unnamed caves, Bà Ba usually waited in the car and complained: Makes no sense! Why go somewhere with bad Chinese restaurants and get eaten by mosquitoes?

Lightning ripped across the sky closer and closer as if it was homing in on me. I panicked.

“Xiǎo Qín, do you know the name of this trail?” asked Mā Ma. She only used my Chinese name—Little Fragrant Grass—when she wanted me to pay attention. She pulled her camera from her jacket and studied me through the lens.

Before I could say anything, Mā Ma answered her own question. “Artist’s Paintpots!”

I wailed louder.

Her smile always made me feel like no matter how messed up life seemed, she knew exactly how to fix it. Once she had tucked her camera away, Mā Ma threw her arms into the storm. She closed her eyes, leaned back, and tried to catch it all on her tongue.

The more the three of us struggled, the more my mother seemed to relax into a landscape.

“Look,” she pointed at the gray sky, undulating like liquid silver. “It’s so beautiful.”

I thought she was beautiful.

ADVANCE PRAISE

"I have come to know and appreciate Leslie Hsu Oh, as a writer and as a human being. She is generous as a person, and as a member of the writing community.

Because Fireweed: A Memoir involved a close look at her own life through the lens of the untimely deaths of her brother and her mother, I saw that she is a young woman of fierce courage with a genuine desire to understand her relationship to the disease that took their lives as well as the role being Chinese-American played in the difficulties she experienced in writing about her life and their deaths for a readership which might consist, primarily, of a Caucasian, American audience. She struggled earnestly to provide her prospective audience with a viable access to her family's particular experiences. This is a testament to how seriously she takes her responsibilities as a writer."
~Anne Caston, author of Flying Out With the Wounded and Judah's Lion

"In this heart-rending and ultimately redemptive memoir, we follow a brave and resolute narrator in her search to lead a deliberate life after not just one, but a series of incomprehensible losses. Leslie Hsu Oh delves into childhood memories, her Chinese ancestry, fantasy, Native American traditions of the American southwest and Alaska, and the healing power of the natural world itself. Along these convergent paths, Oh fearlessly sheds layer after layer to uncover the deepest parts of her own self. What's most remarkable is how skillfully and honestly she shares this spiritual initiation with us, her grateful readers."
~Marybeth Holleman, author of The Heart of the Sound: An Alaskan Paradise Found and Nearly Lost

"In this moving memoir, Leslie Hsu Oh takes us on the quest of a young woman to come to terms with the deaths of her beloved brother and mother and to find her place in the world. Drawing upon her Chinese heritage, her American education, her affinity for nature and Native American traditions, and a healthy dose of the fantasy world that supported her childhood, Oh wields her sword at life's big questions: What do we owe the dead? The living? When has one earned the right to be happy? This lyrical inquiry into one life and the cosmos that surrounds it is refreshingly honest and constantly surprising."
~Nancy Lord, Alaska Writer Laureate and author of Fishcamp: Life on an Alaskan Shore and Green Alaska: Dreams From the Far Coast

"Fireweed: A Memoir is a story about what we find in death, not about what we lose to it. Leslie Hsu Oh writes movingly and lyrically about the power of imagination, hope, and truth to prevail over the deepest wounds life can offer. After her beloved brother and mother died within a year from a disease that persists in society largely through secrecy and shame, she dedicated her life and career to conquering this illness and countering its cultural taboos. She began telling this story in the belief that her journey was about healing, but instead she discovered the multitude of ways in which silence and secrets can change lives forever. This is no ordinary memoir of death and loss. The story relies on emotional vulnerability and toughness to succeed. Through sheer hard work and honesty, she discovered dimensions to her life and to her story that shift it beyond a simple tale of illness and loss."
~Sherry Simpson, author of The Way Winter Comes and The Accidental Explorer

Fireweed: A Memoir is a unique, fascinating, haunting and brave memoir. The shadowy villain is an implacable killer, Hepatitis B. The victims are beloved members of the author's remarkable family. The hero is a heartbroken young warrior woman on a journey, a quest, to save the lives of countless others by breaking the traditional silence, ignorance and shameful stigma surrounding the virus. To do this and to honor the memory of her loved ones, she has produced a sad, beautiful and brave paean-like memoir that also is shot through with a pure and abiding, uplifting love and faith, and - surprisingly, considering the multiple tragedies and terrors in her life - a fond and at times quirky, whimsical humor. It is unforgettable.
~ Lesley Thomas, author of award-winning arctic novel Flight of the Goose

"Leslie Hsu Oh's memoir is an extraordinarily moving story of the search for identity and the capacity to overcome sorrow and loss. The book has a raw, tactile feel that makes the natural world come alive. Memories are revealed as some of the most precious possessions a human can carry. Their visceral intensity is everywhere in Fireweed: A Memoir, despite the work's multilayered complexity.

Oh's memoir is not only about memories but also about the secrets we all carry, and which few of us have the courage to acknowledge. In its search for self through probing the past, it reminds me of N. Scott Momaday's The Names , but it's better than that because it's less stage-managed, less controlled, less like an academic exercise in the creation of distance from pain. In its concern with family, it reminds me of Julie Shigekuni's A Bridge Between Us , but without the clichés. As Leslie Hsu Oh herself puts it: 'I sliced and diced through my life with a two-edged sword.' She does, and it hurts and blesses both writer and reader in so many memorable ways."
~ Dr. Toby Widdicombe, author of Simply Shakespeare, A Reader's Guide to Raymond Chandler, Revisiting the Legacy of Edward Bellamy, America and the Americans

 

EXCERPTS FROM FIREWEED PUBLISHED:

Travel + Leisure | All in Good Time

Travel + Leisure | All in Good Time

February 13, 2021

National Conference on Hepatitis B & C | Saving Lives with Stories

National Conference on Hepatitis B & C | Saving Lives with Stories

January 7, 2021

Panorama | Snags

Panorama | Snags

October 15, 2017

Backpacker | Rules, Shmoolz

Backpacker | Rules, Shmoolz

June 1, 2017

Alpinist | K’e yil yal tx’i: Saying Something

Alpinist | K’e yil yal tx’i: Saying Something

June 1, 2017

Backpacker | How to Love the Rain

Backpacker | How to Love the Rain

May 1, 2016

Alaska Magazine | The Right Mask

Alaska Magazine | The Right Mask

October 1, 2015

Fourth Genre | Warp Thread

Fourth Genre | Warp Thread

April 20, 2013

First Alaskans Magazine | Alaska’s First Certified Tribal Doctor

First Alaskans Magazine | Alaska’s First Certified Tribal Doctor

April 1, 2013

First Alaskans Magazine | This Thing That Happens

First Alaskans Magazine | This Thing That Happens

January 3, 2013

First Alaskans Magazine | Mother for Her People

First Alaskans Magazine | Mother for Her People

February 1, 2012

Rosebud Magazine | Love Food

Rosebud Magazine | Love Food

April 20, 2009

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Day 2: We ran out of sunlight by the time we got t Day 2: We ran out of sunlight by the time we got to the Lemon Squeezer in #coloradonationalmonument . Thank goodness we had our @biolite head lamps (very bright) to guide us back to the parking lot.
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This was my reward for ripping off some skin in the “skinny chimney.” Nashville-style spicy battered #lobster tail and sweet cream #waffle with maple agave butter crafted by #devilskitchen in @hotel_maverick 

The restaurant is located on the top floor with panoramic views of the red sandstone in the area. Kids loved the king bed bunk bed. Swipe left to check it out. @visitgrandjunction @visitcolorado
Day 2: After a morning of running around trying to Day 2: After a morning of running around trying to find a place to get a covid test in @visitsaltlake that would give us results in time for @ko_snowboarder #international #snowboardcross ...we drove 5 hrs to @visitgrandjunction to meet @the.s.s.eden with @glenwoodclimbingguides at #coloradonationalmonument for some #canyoneering . Owners of #glenwoodclimbingguides Joy and Mike are great w/kids. Their daughter was the youngest to #climb El Capitan at age 10. Here’s mine! 4 yo who insisted on carrying a rock about the size of her face during our hike. She’s still sporting our @petzl_official #ouistiti full body #harness which has been passed down through four kids.
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#responsibletravel is something on my mind lately as folks flock to popular outdoor destinations. I’m researching lesser known gems like #nationalmonuments . Located at 7000 feet, this #nationalmonument offers 20000 acres of spectacular red sandstone spires, canyons, mesas, and chimneys! The most difficult one was #skinnychimney (photo 2) where I got all scraped up then took a break to chat w/you all (3rd clip) while the 4yo, 7yo, 12 yo and @ko_snowboarder #climbed and #rappelled ! #rapel #rapelling #climbing #climbinglife @visitcolorado #girlsclimb #girlsthatclimb #climbingkids #kidsthatclimb #climblikeagirl #climblikeagirl💪 #climbing_pictures_of_instagram #climber
Day 8: Haven’t slept much this whole week. This Day 8: Haven’t slept much this whole week. This image captures my angst as a #snowboardcross mom ... since we arrived @coppermtn on Wed (Day 5) for @usskiteam #holeshot #international and #national #cross championship (2mr) after driving three hours from #sandboarding in @greatsanddunesnps and learning about bison #conservation @ranchlands . I “let go” of my 15 yo daughter @ko_snowboarder around 7am everyday and pray that she has a good day. A good day for her is beating her speed up to 45mph down a course in a minute. Swipe right to see one of her practice runs. A good day for me is not getting the phone call that she crashed (Already a former teammate and current teammate suffered concussions) and snuggling w/my 4 yo to calm my nerves. #sbx #sbxlife #sbxlifestyle #snowboardgirlsdoitbetter #snowboardgirls🏂 #snowboardgirlsrule #snowboardgirlsrock 
#snowboard #snowboarding🏂 #snowboarders #snowboardergirl  #snowboardinggirl #snowboardingisfun #snowboards
#snowboarding #snowboarder #snowboardgirls #snowboardlove #snowboardlifestyle #snowboardlife
Day 1: #roadtrip from California through @visituta Day 1: #roadtrip from California through @visitutah and @visitcolorado to the US #snowboard Cross National Championships with 6 snowboards (one for each person in the family) and 4 kids. Our daughter will be competing in 3 international races, her first time. 
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Arrived at @kimpton Monaco in @saltlakecity_utah after midnight so we were grateful for the #cupcakes and drinks in our room. The #hotel even thoughtfully provided a treat for our daughter who is allergic to dairy, egg, shellfish and nuts.
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I was surprised that if you forget to pack one of these items the hotel will provide: cell phone chargers, curling or straightening irons, hair bands, feminine hygiene products, humidifier, lint rollers, make-up mirror, nail clippers, stain-remover wipes, anti-static spray, tweezers and more!
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Uniquely, the hotel offers complimentary access to @ancestry . This partnership was created to celebrate Salt Lake City being the largest holder of genealogy resources in the country.
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They also partner with one of the state’s oldest adventure companies @utahmountainadventures , which we hope to have the time on our return trip to adventure with. What would you recommend?
At @hardrockcafe in #southlaketahoe you can enjoy At @hardrockcafe in #southlaketahoe you can enjoy the first and only #seafoodbar in the area. We loved sitting at the bar and watching the chefs make our  #seafoodboil and #clamlinguini in their #openkitchen. Because it’s first come first serve, we walked around admiring the #musicmemorabilia #rihanna @jamesbrown @elvis @madonna
Watching your child race #sbx always gives me ulce Watching your child race #sbx always gives me ulcers. Broken arms. Concussions. Praying for  teammates who ski patrol brought down the course on a sled. This season my son joins his big sister @ko_snowboarder and the @squawalpine @svam_snowboardteam #snowboardcross #skicross team who earned 20 Medals on Saturday and 14 on Sunday. 
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Gratitude to Coach Mort, @nateholland and Mike for the confidence & courage you’ve instilled in our kids. I am blown away by how much they learned since December. Thank you @purlwax for non #fluro #performance #race #wax . I’m also thoroughly impressed as always by @usasasouthtahoe @actionjet who runs incredibly organized races and goes out of her way to find the best #swag ! My son is enjoying his @blackstrap beanie. #kosnowboarder makes breakfast for us before she starts school with her waffle maker and she even made her younger sisters happy by gifting them the #blackstrap pink goggle socks and buff.
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1st photo: @ko_snowboarder winning bronze in #giant slalom or #slalom earlier this month
2nd photo: shot of my son by Bernard @browngalinthesnow 
4th: video from one of six races this past weekend #where @ko_snowboarder earns 2 silvers @alex.bumann05 earns two golds. Her proud dad captured this video @playamedic1 
5th: love this video by @ko_snowboarder cheering for her brother
6th photo: thanks to Duane for capturing how our boys prep for their race
A Singaporean university student was walking down A Singaporean university student was walking down a London street when he heard someone shout, “I don’t want your coronavirus in my country.” When the student turned, he said four men attacked him, giving him a bloody nose and a broken bone near his right eye.

A similar story played out in Madrid, where a Chinese-American expat was so violently beaten that he woke up two days later in the hospital. He told police that all he remembers was hearing someone say “something about the coronavirus” before everything went black.

Incidents like these occurred a few months after the novel coronavirus—the virus that causes COVID-19—was first reported in a market in Wuhan, China, in December 2019. As infection rates once again rise around the world, spurred by new, more contagious “super strains,” these attacks aren’t going away. From the United States to the United Kingdom, people who look Chinese are being targeted for racially motivated assaults, fueled by fear of a virus that knows no race, country of origin, political affiliation, or economic status.

This is how @qinxiesays begins her article in #nationalgeographic about #antiasianracism and how it impacts #travel . She quotes me as a source. Read the full article in my profile and my article for #natgeokids about how to talk to kids about #stopaapihate #stopasianhatecrimes #stopasianhate #protectourelders #asiandiaspora #racismishate #virusofhate #racism #racisminamerica @admerasia #racismisavirus #racismiscontagious @aajaofficial @ocanational @nextshark @aapaonline @a3pcon @caamedia @caasanfrancisco @satsukiina @ibramxk @prof_erikalee @gracehwanglynch @littlegraythread @clairemccarthymd @haneeter @bashandjules @stopaapihate @stopaapihateyc @rwong800 @rtajimapena @sanfranciscostate @washthehate @asianamericanlife
During my stay @renrenodowntown when I needed to t During my stay @renrenodowntown when I needed to take a break and get some inspiration, I would walk through their #artgallery. This one is called #poplar crowd acrylic n canvas. Artist #davidmccamant ! You can rent out bottom floor which has bar and dining space. There is an artist installation there (2nd photo). The hotel invites #artists to paint their walls!
What’s happening on ur #valentines ? @ko_snowboa What’s happening on ur #valentines ? @ko_snowboarder (my daughter who never wins any #swag at @usasasnow #races) won this #wafflemaker last weekend from @usasasouthtahoe @actionjet @sierra_at_tahoe and bronze medals in #giantslalom and #slalom . The first #waffles she made were for her little sister who is allergic to eggs, dairy, shellfish and nuts. Then she made a batch for the rest of the family. 
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(Swipe right) Congratulations to her teammates @alex.bumann05 @ourpuravidaadventures and @hannasnowboards @kimpercy for their silvers and golds. Gratitude to Coach @nateholland and Mike @svam_snowboardteam for his special wax and tune.
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(Swipe right) Slo-mo of @ko_snowboarder courtesy of @playamedic1
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