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Leslie Hsu Oh

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Fireweed: A Memoir (In Progress)

May 24, 2018

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The summer after I turned nine, our family got caught in a flash storm in Yellowstone National Park. Thunder, lightning, and all the twisted sky could muster that day seemed determined to wash us out from under a skinny lodgepole pine. Wrapped tightly around my father’s leg, I looked up to see my brother crying.

My father kissed his head of unruly black locks with tenderness. My brother was only nineteen months younger, but because a doctor at Duke University named him a “miracle baby” due to a birth complication he was not supposed to have survived, my parents thought of him as such. A miracle.

Around my neck, they hung all the hopes and dreams they brought to America, their expectations so great I could feel the disappointment. At that moment, my mother stood in the middle of the trail, exposed to the elements, beckoning for me to join her, to stand my ground. Her hood was down, flapping in the wind like a cape. Her hair, always kept short with tendrils, licked the back of her neck like flames. Behind her, wisps of white smoke escaped from a fumarole.
“Isn’t this fun?” Her voice was the melodic line against the beat of the rain.

My father shifted his weight. Apart from the thrill of testing the life of his old reliable green Subaru Outback off road, he was not a fan of Mā Ma’s annual national park trips. Why go somewhere with bad Chinese restaurants and get eaten by mosquitoes? he would complain. While Mā Ma took us on expeditions like hunting unnamed caves, he usually waited in the car. Or worse, refuse to join us when we disappeared into a crack in the earth.
When thunder grumbled across the skies, closer and closer as if it was homing in on me, I started to lose it.

Mā Ma said, “Xiǎo Qín, do you know the name of this trail?” Mā Ma only used my Chinese name when she wanted me to pay attention. She pulled out her camera from inside her jacket and studied me through her lens.

“Artists Paintpots!”

I wailed louder.

“Did you hear me, Xiǎo Qín? This trail is designed for us.” I waited for the delicious snap, snap, snap. Then, camera safely stashed away again, Mā Ma threw her arms into the darkening sky. She closed her eyes, leaned back and tried to catch it all on her tongue.

Beyond these fading impressions, this is all I remember. The more the three of us struggled, the more my mother seemed to relax into the landscape.

“Look,” she pointed at the sky, undulating like liquid silver. “It’s so beautiful.”

I thought she was beautiful.

 

Published excerpts from Fireweed: A  Memoir


Snags
Panorama Journal
October 15, 2017

Online

 


How to Love the Rain
Backpacker Magazine
May 2016

Print Online


The Right Mask
Alaska Magazine
October 2015

Print


 

Tail End Clearing of the Pathway to the Light:
Alaska’s first certified Tribal doctor (cover story)

First Alaskans Magazine
April/May 2013

Print


Warp Thread
Fourth Genre
Spring 2013

Print


Between the Lines (Notable Essay in Best American Essays 2010) 
Under the Sun
Summer 2009


Love Food
Rosebud Magazine
Spring 2009


 

Advance Praise:

“I have come to know and appreciate Leslie Hsu Oh, as a writer and as a human being. She is generous as a person, and as a member of the writing community. Because Fireweed: A Memoir involved a close look at her own life through the lens of the untimely deaths of her brother and her mother, I saw that she is a young woman of fierce courage with a genuine desire to understand her relationship to the disease that took their lives as well as the role being Chinese-American played in the difficulties she experienced in writing about her life and their deaths for a readership which might consist, primarily, of a Caucasian, American audience. She struggled earnestly to provide her prospective audience with a viable access to her family’s particular experiences. This is a testament to how seriously she takes her responsibilities as a writer.”
~Anne Caston, author of Flying Out With the Wounded and Judah’s Lion

“In this heart-rending and ultimately redemptive memoir, we follow a brave and resolute narrator in her search to lead a deliberate life after not just one, but a series of incomprehensible losses. Leslie Hsu Oh delves into childhood memories, her Chinese ancestry, fantasy, Native American traditions of the American southwest and Alaska, and the healing power of the natural world itself. Along these convergent paths, Oh fearlessly sheds layer after layer to uncover the deepest parts of her own self. What’s most remarkable is how skillfully and honestly she shares this spiritual initiation with us, her grateful readers.”
~Marybeth Holleman, author of The Heart of the Sound: An Alaskan Paradise Found and Nearly Lost

“In this moving memoir, Leslie Hsu Oh takes us on the quest of a young woman to come to terms with the deaths of her beloved brother and mother and to find her place in the world. Drawing upon her Chinese heritage, her American education, her affinity for nature and Native American traditions, and a healthy dose of the fantasy world that supported her childhood, Oh wields her sword at life’s big questions: What do we owe the dead? The living? When has one earned the right to be happy? This lyrical inquiry into one life and the cosmos that surrounds it is refreshingly honest and constantly surprising.”
~Nancy Lord, Alaska Writer Laureate and author of Fishcamp: Life on an Alaskan Shore and Green Alaska: Dreams From the Far Coast

“Fireweed: A Memoir is a story about what we find in death, not about what we lose to it. Leslie Hsu Oh writes movingly and lyrically about the power of imagination, hope, and truth to prevail over the deepest wounds life can offer. After her beloved brother and mother died within a year from a disease that persists in society largely through secrecy and shame, she dedicated her life and career to conquering this illness and countering its cultural taboos. She began telling this story in the belief that her journey was about healing, but instead she discovered the multitude of ways in which silence and secrets can change lives forever. This is no ordinary memoir of death and loss. The story relies on emotional vulnerability and toughness to succeed. Through sheer hard work and honesty, she discovered dimensions to her life and to her story that shift it beyond a simple tale of illness and loss.”
~Sherry Simpson, author of The Way Winter Comes and The Accidental Explorer

Fireweed: A Memoir is a unique, fascinating, haunting and brave memoir. The shadowy villain is an implacable killer, Hepatitis B. The victims are beloved members of the author’s remarkable family. The hero is a heartbroken young warrior woman on a journey, a quest, to save the lives of countless others by breaking the traditional silence, ignorance and shameful stigma surrounding the virus. To do this and to honor the memory of her loved ones, she has produced a sad, beautiful and brave paean-like memoir that also is shot through with a pure and abiding, uplifting love and faith, and – surprisingly, considering the multiple tragedies and terrors in her life – a fond and at times quirky, whimsical humor. It is unforgettable.
~ Lesley Thomas, author of award-winning arctic novel Flight of the Goose

“Leslie Hsu Oh’s memoir is an extraordinarily moving story of the search for identity and the capacity to overcome sorrow and loss. The book has a raw, tactile feel that makes the natural world come alive. Memories are revealed as some of the most precious possessions a human can carry. Their visceral intensity is everywhere in Fireweed: A Memoir, despite the work’s multilayered complexity. Oh’s memoir is not only about memories but also about the secrets we all carry, and which few of us have the courage to acknowledge. In its search for self through probing the past, it reminds me of N. Scott Momaday’s The Names, but it’s better than that because it’s less stage-managed, less controlled, less like an academic exercise in the creation of distance from pain. In its concern with family, it reminds me of Julie Shigekuni’s A Bridge Between Us , but without the clichés. As Leslie Hsu Oh herself puts it: ‘I sliced and diced through my life with a two-edged sword.’ She does, and it hurts and blesses both writer and reader in so many memorable ways.”
~ Dr. Toby Widdicombe, author of Simply Shakespeare, A Reader’s Guide to Raymond Chandler, Revisiting the Legacy of Edward Bellamy, America and the Americans

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At @hardrockcafe in #southlaketahoe you can enjoy At @hardrockcafe in #southlaketahoe you can enjoy the first and only #seafoodbar in the area. We loved sitting at the bar and watching the chefs make our  #seafoodboil and #clamlinguini in their #openkitchen. Because it’s first come first serve, we walked around admiring the #musicmemorabilia #rihanna @jamesbrown @elvis @madonna
Watching your child race #sbx always gives me ulce Watching your child race #sbx always gives me ulcers. Broken arms. Concussions. Prayers for our teammates who endured injuries. This season my son joins his big sister @ko_snowboarder and the @squawalpine @svam_snowboardteam #snowboardcross #skicross team who earned 20 Medals on Saturday and 14 on Sunday. 
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Gratitude to Coach Mort, @nateholland and Mike for the confidence & courage you’ve instilled in our kids. I am blown away by how much they learned since December. I’m also thoroughly impressed as always by @usasasouthtahoe @actionjet who runs incredibly organized races and goes out of her way to find the best #swag ! My son is enjoying his @blackstrap beanie. #kosnowboarder makes breakfast for us before she starts school with her waffle maker and she even made her younger sisters happy by gifting them the #blackstrap pink goggle socks and buff.
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1st photo: @ko_snowboarder winning bronze in #giant slalom or #slalom earlier this month
2nd photo: shot of my son by Bernard @browngalinthesnow 
4th: video from one of six races this past weekend #where @ko_snowboarder earns 2 silvers @alex.bumann05 earns two golds. Her proud dad captured this video @playamedic1 
5th: love this video by @ko_snowboarder cheering for her brother
6th photo: thanks to Duane for capturing how our boys prep for their race
A Singaporean university student was walking down A Singaporean university student was walking down a London street when he heard someone shout, “I don’t want your coronavirus in my country.” When the student turned, he said four men attacked him, giving him a bloody nose and a broken bone near his right eye.

A similar story played out in Madrid, where a Chinese-American expat was so violently beaten that he woke up two days later in the hospital. He told police that all he remembers was hearing someone say “something about the coronavirus” before everything went black.

Incidents like these occurred a few months after the novel coronavirus—the virus that causes COVID-19—was first reported in a market in Wuhan, China, in December 2019. As infection rates once again rise around the world, spurred by new, more contagious “super strains,” these attacks aren’t going away. From the United States to the United Kingdom, people who look Chinese are being targeted for racially motivated assaults, fueled by fear of a virus that knows no race, country of origin, political affiliation, or economic status.

This is how @qinxiesays begins her article in #nationalgeographic about #antiasianracism and how it impacts #travel . She quotes me as a source. Read the full article in my profile and my article for #natgeokids about how to talk to kids about #stopaapihate #stopasianhatecrimes #stopasianhate #protectourelders #asiandiaspora #racismishate #virusofhate #racism #racisminamerica @admerasia #racismisavirus #racismiscontagious @aajaofficial @ocanational @nextshark @aapaonline @a3pcon @caamedia @caasanfrancisco @satsukiina @ibramxk @prof_erikalee @gracehwanglynch @littlegraythread @clairemccarthymd @haneeter @bashandjules @stopaapihate @stopaapihateyc @rwong800 @rtajimapena @sanfranciscostate @washthehate @asianamericanlife
During my stay @renrenodowntown when I needed to t During my stay @renrenodowntown when I needed to take a break and get some inspiration, I would walk through their #artgallery. This one is called #poplar crowd acrylic n canvas. Artist #davidmccamant ! You can rent out bottom floor which has bar and dining space. There is an artist installation there (2nd photo). The hotel invites #artists to paint their walls!
What’s happening on ur #valentines ? @ko_snowboa What’s happening on ur #valentines ? @ko_snowboarder (my daughter who never wins any #swag at @usasasnow #races) won this #wafflemaker last weekend from @usasasouthtahoe @actionjet @sierra_at_tahoe and bronze medals in #giantslalom and #slalom . The first #waffles she made were for her little sister who is allergic to eggs, dairy, shellfish and nuts. Then she made a batch for the rest of the family. 
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(Swipe right) Congratulations to her teammates @alex.bumann05 @ourpuravidaadventures and @hannasnowboards @kimpercy for their silvers and golds. Gratitude to Coach @nateholland and Mike @svam_snowboardteam for his special wax and tune.
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(Swipe right) Slo-mo of @ko_snowboarder courtesy of @playamedic1
Found an amazing #working #writing space @renrenod Found an amazing #working #writing space @renrenodowntown @renotahoe ! I’m told this is the #bestroom #renaissancereno which can function as #flexcation #artstudio overlooking Truckee River. I’m working on my memoir here but the hotel also offers blank canvas, acrylic paints, vision-boards, spray paint or any other mediums upon request. There’s a separate bedroom with King size bed with a window to the river and a living room area that’s three times the size of the bedroom and includes a large kitchen counter which I used to spread out all my drafts. #writinginspiration #workspace #nevada #renotahoe #renotahoeusa @renotahoe @deckerroyal #hotellife #hotelroomview #hotelroom #hotelgram
This is the “Smoke on the Water” #cocktail ... This is the “Smoke on the Water” #cocktail ... the waiter is using a #bubblegun filled with bubblegum flavor to create a #vaporfilled #bubble ! The rest of this cocktail includes #empressgin #coconut #nigari #sake with #italicus #bergamotto #rosalio and #canton #ginger #liqueur and #lemon #juice and #xocolatl #mole #bitters . At the #redbloom in @atlantiscasino you can taste this unique cocktail with #pekingduck #ramen #dandannoodles and #baobuns (choose between roasted duck, crispy pork belly, fried tofu, soft shell crab or braised short rib) #atlantiscasino
Had a chance to give you a tour of one of the few Had a chance to give you a tour of one of the few #spas open since June in #reno #nevada. Check out why #spaatlantis is one of the #topten spas in the world and the only @forbestravelguide #fourstar #spa in the area. 
-while u wait for ur appointmt, relax in their Aqua Spa Lounge which has jetted #pools of varying temperatures to invigorate ur body and strengthen ur immune system and four shower experiences: ice fog, tropical rain, thunderstorm & waterfall (closed at the moment)
-That’s the cold plunge pool
-Laconium Relaxation Lounge: dry heat to purify and detox body (closed at the moment)
-Brine Inhalation Light Therapy Lounge: not pictured because it was closed but I wanted to mention it because it’s the only brine wall in northern Nevada. The salt aerosols expand ur lungs and relaxes u!
-The two videos walk you through their tea lounge (which normally has refreshments) and steam room and cedar #sauna (all closed at the moment)
-The Rasul Ceremonial Chamber: I’ll be returning to try this out w/my husband. It’s modeled after an ancient #arabian royalty cleansing ritual. You sit on a throne and apply six healing muds or fruits/oils while the chamber fills w/rain or aromatic infused steam!
-There are 16 treatment rooms, 30 massage therapists and 5 aestheticians. 
-I’m trying the Rejuvenating #microcurrent #facial. For 90 minutes, my aesthetician cleansed my pores, extracted 7 #milia, layered mask after mask on my face made of plants like #stonecrop . I also experienced a #cbd #massage and #pedicure ! One way to get the writing muse inspired. @atlantiscasino #atlantiscasino #atlantiscasinoresort #atlantiscasinoresort
The #strawberry #basil #caipiroska with #vodka and The #strawberry #basil #caipiroska with #vodka and lime plus their melt in the mouth #chileanseabass with a sautéed prawn and crab mashed potatoes (bite-sized chunks of crab meat) from #bistronapa @atlantiscasino was well worth the drive to #reno. Upon entering the #resort you stand in front of an automated temperature screening kiosk, masks are required and occupancy reduced to 50% in #casino and #restaurants. Room service was all served in disposable paper containers or plates.

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